Old Habits
by IrisCandy
Summary: Lana didn't quite realize what she was doing bringing Sanjit up to her Clifftop sanctuary. Who gave him the right to drag his whole family in to the hotel? But maybe...maybe, she didn't really mind.


When Lana Arwen Lazar kissed Sanjit Brattle-Chance, she definitely felt something. A spark, deep inside. The last thing she wanted to do was sound cheesy and lovestruck, but she thought that that little spark might have been hope. Yeah. Hope. Like when she kissed him, an invisible line ran across the bone-chilling memories in her disturbed head. Unfortunately, that line wasn't drawn in permanent marker.

She'd never forget the image of Edilio collapsing to the ground as the bullet hit his chest. The bullet that Lana had let loose. She'd never forget crawling on her hands and knees and letting the Darkness rule her mind and body like some possessed rag doll. She'd never forget any of it. None. Never.

But just for that moment - that one moment when their lips touched - she felt the hope for a better world, a better future, a better FAYZ. One that didn't get better just because of cigarettes and booze, but one that got better because of... love.

Love. Some shallow part of her wanted to throw up at the sound of the word. She was strong, tough, maybe a little irritable. She didn't need love to get her through.

Then again, she couldn't help but feel the part of her that welcomed Sanjit's love. Craved it.

Whatever. Just whatever.

Sanjit was annoying. He was irritating and smiled too much. He could call her beautiful all he wanted, and he'd still be annoying.

Though as much as she wanted to slap him, she didn't really pull away from him too quickly after their third or fourth kiss, and she didn't exactly dislike the feeling of his hands on her waist.

Still annoying, though.

It was dark. Midnight, Lana guessed. She dragged Sanjit back from the beach and up to her smelly Clifftop room. She was taking him there almost subconsciously. Automatic. Like that last kiss was confirmation that he should come and live with her up at Clifftop.

That was absurd, of course. Lana liked the solitude of her Clifftop room with just Patrick as company.

She didn't really realize what she was doing until Sanjit brought the rest of his family up to Clifftop as well.

She thought of kicking them all out and going back to her cigarette smoking life as the Healer. In the end, she decided against it.

Lana lay in bed, craning to stare out the balcony window at the fake stars. It was hard to believe they were fake when they twinkled and shone like the real thing.

Sanjit walked in to the room after settling the other kids in to their beds.

"Anything interesting out there?" he asked, flopping face down on to the bed and sighing.

"If by interesting you mean sky illusions and the occasional Sammy sun, then yes," Lana replied, turning to face him now.

"Umhmm." Sanjit mumbled in to the pillow.

"You just spent the last couple of hours telling me how hot I am, and now you're too fascinated with the pillow to give a shit," said Lana.

"Kissing you is hard work," Sanjit said, rolling back on to his side and looking at her.

"And why's that?"

"You're..." he scanned her face, as if looking for the right word. "Intimidating."

Lana scoffed.

"You are though. All strapped up with your gun and stuff, always looking like you would very much like to slug me over the head with it most of the time," he explained. "But you can't do any harm. You know it and I know it, because"-

"You can't be vinced, yeah yeah," Lana finished, waving an impatient hand in his face.

Sanjit smiled, amused in the moonlight.

Lana flicked his forehead hard with her fingers and turned back to the window.

It was silent for a while. Just the sound of their breathing.

"You don't always have to be the tough girl,"

Lana turned to look at him. She didn't say anything. Sanjit continued.

"You've got some kind of wall around you," he said, making a circle motion with his finger in the air. "And I'm telling you. You don't always have to keep it there."

If anyone else had said it, Lana would have snapped and threatened them with a wave of her gun. She was surprised at herself when she just laid perfectly still looking back at Sanjit.

He continued.

"It's weird, you know? It's like; I look at you, and there's this really tough chick who knows her shit and would take me down in a fight any day. But there's also this girl - this regular, teenage girl - who's still in there." He poked her belly playfully."And I can see her sometimes. Like right now."

Lana quickly distorted her face back to a scowl. Sanjit smiled a sad smile.

"That regular teenage girl died when she met the Darkness."

Lana was so shocked that she had said the name, that she was even talking about it, that she took a while to recover.

"No. No, I don't think she did."

"You don't know anything," Lana snapped.

"You're scared, Lana, I get it. You're scared of being vulnerable. You're scared of screwing up again."

"I'm not"-

To her great displeasure, her voice caught. She started again.

"I'm not scared." She said, firmly.

"You can kid yourself, but you can't kid me. I know. I'm scared too." He rolled back on to his back and folded his arms under his head, giving off an annoying air of nonchalance.

"Shut up, Sanjit."

It was all she could manage. Because though she would never admit it, she was scared. She was. Deep inside her rock hard shell, she was scared and wishing to be just that little girl in her Mother's arms.

Sanjit didn't need to know that.

There was a long silence.

"Lana?"

"What, Sanjit?" she snapped.

He kissed her then. A long one. She let his body entwine with hers.

She was hit with a ferocious energy, wanting more and not seeming to get enough. He ran his fingers in her hair and it made her shudder pleasantly.

When they broke apart, they were gasping for air. Sanjit grinned from over top of her.

"Would you stop grinning like an idiot?"

"I can't help it. I'm just thinking about when I found that helicopter and decided I better not attempt to fly it. Look what I would have missed if I hadn't. I would have been Sanjit the Forever-a-virgin Bandit."

Lana hit him over the head and he rolled off of her, laughing.

Absent-mindidly, Lana reached over to her side table and grabbed the pack of cigarettes. It wasn't until after she stuck it in her mouth that she realized what she was doing.

"Old habit," she mumbled, more to herself than Sanjit.

Maybe she was happy with Sanjit, even if she hadn't shown it. Maybe things would get better. Maybe she'd go a day without scowling or cursing.

She had thought all those things. Right up until the moment that the cigarette touched her lips.

No matter how happy you were in the FAYZ, old habits, old enemies, bad memories would always come back.

_Come back to me,_ said a voice in her head.

Sanjit slid his hand in to hers.

She let him.


End file.
